Dexter Gabbard

(1967 - 2008)

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I had a dream a week ago with you in it. I always tend to feel better after you are in a dream. I remember you standing at the bar and sitting next to Grant. I kept asking Grant, don't you see him. Dex is standing right there. Grant didn't see you, so I was thinking I was crazy. Can't you see him I said? Finally Grant said to me 'Dex wouldn't want you being so sad, why are you?" I woke up thinking you had spoken to me. You are truly missed by all the people you have touched. I think of you and find it hard to use the past tense when speaking of you. You are still a great friend, an awesome person and a friend I am glad to have met in my life. Please watch over your mom. As a mom, I can not even imagine losing my son, especially one as great as you. Miss and love ya. C

Mom

Dexter I don't know why but I sure am having a bad moment. If you only knew what you have done to me since you left this world. God, I miss you so much and sometimes it is unbearable. I just want to talk and see you again so I can tell you how much I love you and give you a kiss and the biggest hug I could. My world is so much different without you in it. I still am asking why, why, why. I will never understand it, never. I shake my head all the time in disbelief. Oh Dexter I love you and wish you were still here. I pray all the time that we will be together again. So much joy had gone away when you left me. I love you and always will. Please if you can, help me.

On the way home last night from baseball practice my son's friend told him a joke (that I had not heard in over 35). When he started telling the joke, I thought to myself "that sounds familiar".

The joke was one that Dex would have told when he was a kid (hell, when he was an adult).

Justin said to my son Blanne - "Will you remember me in 5 years...

Blanne - "Yeah"

Justin - "Will you remember me in 10 years"

Blanne - "Yeah"

Justin - "Will you remember me in 20 years"

Blanne - "Probably - if your still playing sports" - this made me laugh

Justin - "Knock Knock"

Blanne - "Who's there"

Justin - "You said you would remember me"

I can just hear Dex laughing at his own joke as he tells it. The joke also made me think that in 20 years, I had hoped to be retired, sitting in my rocking chair listening to Dex do all the talking letting me know about all the good "HUGE" stories.

G - March Madness

Bro, it is about this time every year when you and I would talk UK basketball, their chances to win it all, and where we were going to see the first game. The last few years there was not much to talk about. This year I am hoping it to be different and will miss you calling me during a game and saying "Did you see that", when it was a good play.

You truly were my best bud and I miss you daily. My kids still hear stories about Uncle Dex and I constantly tell them to cherish every day with the ones they love. Susan misses you and we talk about hilarious times often. I still drive home and want to call you in route so you will cheer me up and tell me to smile, laugh, and not take life too serious. You were a huge help in my life Dex, I just wish I would have told you that more often. Miss you bro, watch over your family and send me a laugh.

Story to Share -

1 - We recently had a lot of snow here and the kids and I went out sledding. Brooklin and I went down together and almost hit a tree. Very next trip, I went with Blanne and we hit the tree (I thought Blanne broke his leg, we hit so hard - HUGE Bruise though).

It made me think of the times Dex and I lived together and would throw snowballs at each other from the snow off the back of each of our cars. We would dodge and weeve to try and get each other - just like little kids. Yet, it also made me think of how many kids, like my own, missed out on a huge smile by not having DexMex in their life. I have never met a man with a bigger heart and such a love for kids. I wish, selfishly, that my kids would have been able to play with Uncle Dex (as we call him at the house) in the snow. I can see him now softly throwing snowballs at them and then hiding behind a tree, just to have them sneak up on him and get him with a snowball.

Brother, I hate it so much that you left this world early. Life just has not been the same without you. I miss our daily talks, laughs and jokes. Take care of your loved ones my brother, I love ya and miss ya. The girls and your mom however, do send me jokes, and amazingly they are about as dumb as yours were ;-)

Sean

I just found this message while cleaning out my e-mail - sent by Dexter in 2005. It's long, but worth hte read. A classic Dexter message!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Dexter Gabbard" <dexter@hugebrand.com>
To: "Grant Burrow (E-mail), "Sean Rose (E-mail)"
Sent: Wednesday, July 13, 2005 8:02:14 PM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: A great speech

I ask that you put aside some time to read this.it's a great speech and I think you'll get something out of it, I know I did.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says

This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky - I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me - I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything - all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much

DexMex, I was recently in KC and was talking to a guy that reminded me of you. He said he had an invention (but would not tell me what it was). He was going to file a patent on it and he would let me know when it was filed about his invention. He was damn giddy the entire conversation and it reminded me of many of your wild ass ideas. The one I loved that you told me about 10 years ago, I recently saw advertised here. Caller id that shows up on the TV when someone calls. You should have run with that one 10 years ago.

I miss you my brother, miss you a lot. Life just is not the same without you in it. I just keep telling myself that God needed you more than I will ever know or understand. Take care of the ones you watch over and occasionally put me on that list. Love ya bro.

Donna

On this thanksgiving I woke early and sat in thought about all the loved ones that would not be here with us at dinner. I guess I was feeling alittle down. My son saw me and said mom whats wrong? I said it's just hard sometimes on the holidays without them here. I needed to shake it off and get it out of my system so I could continue with the things that needed to done. So I said " I'll take a ride to the cemetary and say hello".I asked my son if he wanted to go with me? he said no and started to cry I hugged him and I said" I know its hard for you" ( his uncle died 2yrs ago, my brother) I cried on the ride there and back and then pulled in the driveway and I guess I felt better I continued on with day. For dinner it was just my husband, my daughter, my son and my father a small thanksgiving this year. Dinner went good everyone was stuffed! My father was tired and to full for dessert. He sat for alittle while and then I packed him some leftovers and I watched my son take the packages to his truck and walk with him out the door As I stood on the front porch and watched I thought for moment. This is what i'm thankful for( that moment). I 'm so thankful that I had that moment I'm thankful for these moments that we have with our loved ones and i try to remember that we have to remember even though it's hard sometimes they are still here with us! I say this because I could not imagine it without my son! I guess what I'm trying to say is death has such a STING! So lets hold the ones we have and tell them we love them, so when death comes maybe it will loose some of it's STING!

I love you, anut Reenie and Dexter. Happy Thanksgiving!

John & Bonnie, I know I have said this many times, but you will never know how much it means to me (and for many others) for what you two did by welcoming Dex as part of your pink pant tournament and helping raise so much money in Dex's name. I just wanted to say thanks one more time. The pics at the hospital were great, for a spectacular man, and for a good cause. THANKS AGAIN.

John and Bonnie - you did good and it is much much appreciated.

My main man, let me start out by saying I know you were smiling after the All Childrens Fund Raiser we had in your honor. Elder and Bonnie did a great job for the entire event (props). T or Carmella (not sure who - but think Carmellllllla - I rolled the L's) put together a great photo poster that was awesome to see. My bad on getting a little teary talking about you bud, but I just couldn't shed the memories during my talk (I will try better next time). We almost raised $13,000 (amazing when we were shooting for $2 - $4k (Just shows how amazing of a person you are).

On a lighter note, it is my girls bday today and one of her 1,000 gifts was a stuffed purple unicorn that is twice the size of my dog (Ziggy - named after the great Marley singer - which I know you would also appreciate ;-) - When I looked at this dinasour sized stuffed animal, I just laughed at how good kids have it in this world. I know the kids you associated yourself with had this same smile because you were a part of their life and told them your dumb ass jokes (Ludacrissspss)!!

I miss talking to you daily my bro, save a seat up there for me (you might have to do some negotiating to do this). One day we will smile together again, but until then take it slow and watch over your family.

DexMex, I told you I would keep you up to date on the kids and their pics. Blanne is leading the team in touchdowns and interceptions for his team (of course the Pitt Steelers). Brooklin in two games of soccer has scored all of her goals for her team (13 goals) - gotta love it. We are honoring your All Childrens Hospital, you and many of your memories this weekend. I am sure your ears will be burning. They are putting the worse two golfers together in a cart (me and David), yet I bet there will not be any two people that have more fun and tell more Dex stories. Miss you bro. Miss you a lot.

I guess because it is baseball season that the memory came to me. One of my last trips to see DexMex he suprised me with tickets to a Rays game. He purchased tickets for Jess, me, and himself. I was extremely excited to go and let him know. Yet, when I got bac to his house from working that day, he had also gone out and purchased me a RAYS jersey. He said "You can not go to the game without a RAYS shirt". The man would not allow me to pay for either the tickets or the shirt.

He was just the type of man that truly enjoyed Giving more than Receiving and seeing the joy it brought to others. A true friend that always cared how others felt and wanted to make them happy.

Miss you bro.

kaeleen

from the first day you walked into mandalay bay I knew you were different and special. I will never forget your smile. your light your persistence and your caring nature. You gave me an outlook on things that I explained to you. Thanks for allowing me to be a small glimpse in your life. God only makes so many like you. I still have not heard what happened. i wish I knew. Its not what what you take when you leave this world behind you but what you leave behind when your gone. and you left love, memories and and an impressions so few could ever hope to leave. I dont understand but i hope one day we can take a walk together and I can tell you how much I appreciate your friendship and faith in me. thanks for seeing the good in me. I miss you dex. your an angel unique and amazing. I miss you doll.with love and so much respect for the man you were and the man you are. till we meet again. I will always remember. I look at your pictures and think wow he lived loved and had a full life. you will always be in my thoughts. i hope you hear my converstations.

Dex introduced me to the movie Napolean Dynamite. He had it rented (as he did many movies when I came to FL to visit him) for us to stay up, have a few brews and watch. I have to say that the stupid humor was pretty funny in parts.

Well, I was in the middle of an interview yesterday and I could not figure out who the man sitting across from me reminded me of. Half way through the interview I laughed while the man was talking to me. He looked at me like I was crazy. I apologized but could not stop laughing silently in my mind. The man sitting across from me looked like Napolean Dynamite's brother that was always on the computer. I told this to one of my service workers after the man left and everyone thought the same thing. They said they thought the brothers name was Kip. I have now enclosed a pic of the guy in the movie and I swear this guy looked just like him.

For those of you that have seen the movie, that ole DexMex introduced me to, try to see yourself interviewing this guy after you figure out who he looks like. For those of you that have not seen the movie, go get it (and realize it is stupid humor).

Just wanted to send a pic of Blanne and his recent baseball tournament (they took 3rd). I said I would keep you up with their pics, so the rest looking at this will just have to endure it. We had a lot of fraternity brothers over this weekend and your name got brought up a few times (Destin golf trip, stupid humor and useless movie trivia - it always amazed me to hear you quote a line from a movie 20 years old).

Elder and Therese (and I am sure many others) are doing a great job on the get together (big thanks to them).

The main thing was I saw a man this weekend do his pinky and point finger and rub each against his eyebrows like you used to do. I about lost it when I saw it. The nerve of the man trying to pull off your one handed trick.

Well DexMex, the golf trip with the boys was just not the same and I thought of you daily when we were out there. You made me have to ride with Fox the first day (just not the same although he did help me look for my ball every hole). You were toasted to nightly at dinner and thought of more. We even talked about stupid tv shows and movies and all said "Dexter would know who that guy is".

I have to also tell you a short story on the last day of golf. We all teed off on hole # 18 with Big B (a.k.a Brett) hitting last. There was a guy mowing the ladies T's that stopped when we approached the white T's. Brett hit his T shot and it went about 10 feet. We all told him to just re-T and hit another one. He did so and it went about 15 ft this time. Well, we all couldn't contain our laughter and the guy on the mower was also trying to be good about it. Brett then hit his third shot and it went about 15 yards (right next to the guy mowing the ladies T). Yep, Big B had to hit from the ladies T and by this time my ribs were hurting so bad from laughing that I started to feel bad (not really). I know you would have been right there with me.

I had a picture of Brooklin in a dress from this morning on her way to school. It was dress day at school and she is kind of a tomboy. So, she had to wear her mardi gra beeds if she was going to wear her dress. These were the beeds that I gave her from a trip that you, GJ and I took to New Orleans (another story for another time).

"THE 3 DUDES"

I have a bad habit of occasionally dipping, and periodically my man DexMex would take a dip. Yes, Jess his dipped. Yet, he pretty much quit for you (kinda). Well as I was popping my can (for non dippers this gets all the dip to one end), the other day I just started to laugh out loud. I remembered a story from the beginning of college that was humorous.

Dex, another friend and I were in my car getting ready to go somewhere. I was driving and DexMex was in the back. He would sit in the middle of the back seat and sit right between the 2 front seats, so he could talk to both of us. He leaned in the entire time to be a little closer to his buds.

I proceeded to take my can of Kodiak and pop it to get ready to take a dip. Little did I know the top was not on all the way and the dip went everywhere. Everywhere in the back that is. I then heard the following from Dex.

1. "DUDE" - the first Dude was actually o.k. It was Dex laughing and the "Dude" had a different sound all together. He realized I spilled all of my dip and was laughing at me for doing it.

2. "DUDE" - The second "Dude" was not funny to him, because at this time he realized all the dip was on him and none on the other two of us. It was more a "Dude" of panic and what the hell just happened tone. We (the 2 in the front) though could not stop laughing, because he was covered in dip. All over his shirt and pants.

3. "DUDE" - The third "Dude" was said as a "Dude" of man I can't believe this just happened to me as well as you 2 punks in the front stop laughing. This third "Dude" was said over and over and over as he continued to get dip out of his clothes.

To any other friend it could have been a little more traumatic. To DexMex, it was just another day and he was kind of glad his friends were laughing and having fun (even if it was at his expense). That is just the kind of man he was, always caring about others.

Miss you bro. Miss you a lot. You could always make me laugh, even whenyou are gone. Watch over your family and keep them strong. G

We are on Spring Break at the beach now. The last day of work, I wore a grey Huge Brand Condoms T-shirt under my dress shirt to work. I told Sean in an email that it made me feel like a kid and that I was getting away with something - like a school kid. Well, we headed off to the beach and it started getting warm so I took my main dress shirt off and "not thinking" just had my shirt that read Huge Brand Condoms on with my rest of my outfit. I did not realize why I was getting so many interesting looks on the way to Florida with my kids. I guess they are wondering why a man would wear around a condom shirt with his kids. I got some strange looks and finally realized I had it on when we were eating at KFC when a man said "That is an interesting shirt". The whole journey of stares started to make a little more sense at this time. Dex - it may have been a better idea to just put HUGE BRAND on this T-Shirt (and maybe the website underneath) instead of putting condoms underneath. Some may have thought the condoms must have not have worked to well since I had 2 kids!!!! Gotta say looking back it is pretty funny thinking of the looks I got while traveling with the kids to Florida.

Shiggy

I taught Dex to scuba dive and he taught me how to live every minute of my life to the fullest. When I was going through a tough time he convinced me to move to Nashville, helped me start a new career and even introduced me to some of his good friends. Our last conversation had to be just days before his passing when he was telling me about this really great business idea he had and how it would revolutionize the industry. Dex was the king of revolutionary ideas and he taught me a LOT about running toward dreams. To his family... Know that Dexter was one of the biggest influences in my life. Dex changed the course of my life and I can very honestly say I wouldn't be who I am without him. Brian W (but Dexter always called me Shiggy)

DexMex - you would have been proud. We finished our bball season undefeated. My little man shooting the hoop was a sight to see. We got home today and rough housed and Blanne jumped on my wrist and severe pain shot through it. Brooklin - in the other room working on her picture book - came to my rescue ---- She brought me a picture of you me and Susan on the swing on the back deck of the Condo in Destin. She said "I thought this would make you feel better". Love that girl. Amazing that this thought went through her mind. You left an amazing touch on us all.

John and Bonny

Eva is blowing you a Kiss Dex. Know you are watching Cats today in Tampa. Still learning from you.

DexMex, I keep a few pictures of us by my computer upstairs to remind myself of all the fun you brought to my life. It just is not the same not having you here. One of the pics is of our trip to New Orleans with GJ when we stopped to take a picture of a sign that read "WoolMarket". We thought we were the bomb (at least one of us was right)!! I thought of how we got kicked out of the place that served Hurricanes and we actually didn't do anything wrong. Thanks for all the laughs my man, I could never have asked for anyone better to share them with. Love ya and miss ya.

Forgot to mention that it was also baseball season and I was sending you a picture of Brooklin in her Mets jersey

Well DexMex it is that time of year when we get ready for our annual golf trip. You and I always rode together the first day and I truly looked forward to all 18 holes. I rarely talked and just soaked in story after story after story. Whether they were about your mom and David, Sean, Your sister and the girls, Therese and Carm, or Jess I cherished every one. The golf trip will never be the same without my best friend. I will try to tell a DexMex joke that you always told when we were there. Yet, no one can replace your useless movie trivia that made us all laugh and ponder how it was possible for you to know that. You also always threw the beers to everyone when they were in the ocean. We will have to nominate Fox for that task - still not the same - you always seemed to do some stupid dance or comment that made us all laugh. While you are up there laughing at me hitting the golf ball into the water and the woods, help a brother out.

I miss you bro. Miss the conversations, the laughs, but mainly just my best bud.

Jessica

Dex, My Sweetest, EVER: I wear the St. Christopher charm you gave me EVERY day, (the perfect shade of my favorite color purple, of course) I feel protected when I have it on, and it reminds me of you; makes me feel your presence. I just can't believe how lucky I was to meet such a wondeful person, who truely cared about me, and would do ANYTHING for me. God really sent me a true gift, the gift of being with you. Thank you SSOO much, for believing in me, helping me, worrying about me, having a blast with me! (no matter what we did... we always made it fun!) I think about you and miss you at least 1,000 times a minute, every minute of every day. EVERYTHING makes me think of you! I can't even go to Ft. Desoto, without getting teary eyed. Remember the first time we went? You were so sweet, you told me you packed a "small lunch" for us! of course, it was anything but small. You had sushi, subs, my favorite kind of apples... you always paid attention to small details like that, which meant so much. We even saved the seaturtles, with Terese and her family. I am sure Ethan will always remember that, you were such a wonderful role model. I still just dont understand. You did SO much for our community, and ANYONE you met. You still had so many places to go, so many people to meet, to help, so many plans, adventures... but I am sure they are WAY better up there! I can't wait until we meet again Dex, I truely feel incomplete without you in my life. I try to act like I am ok, but really, I am not. As well as anyone elses life you touched. I miss you. I miss your laughter, your spontanaity, (sp?) your cards, your love, your smile, your generosity, your constructive critisim, i just miss everything, i miss YOU. I miss being healthy, I haven't made a protein shake in 4 months! I haven't even been to the gym, or riding bikes. You showed me all the secret trails at Ft. Desoto, you even downloaded all of my songs on my IPOD so I could be all set up, to go running or bike riding with my IPOD. Weird thing is, I can't bring myself to listen to it, (not only bcuz I hardly know how to work it! :) but because everything reminds me of you. Even my freaking laundry basket! I was doing laundry the other day thinking how much I LOVE my laundry basket, because it has wheels& is just perfect. then of course I look like a loonatic, bawling in the middle of the laundry mat, because I remembered; you were so sweet to get me a good laundry basket, because my other cheap broken one hurt my hands, and you didnt want my hands getting hurt. you told me never to use that one again, and even tho it was my favorite, I haven't used it, because I made you that promise. I miss you Dex, and I just can't forgive myself for our "break." I would give anything to go back in time, I would have never taken that break. I know all cpls have problems, but when we talked about a break, I didnt' mean indefinetly. I dont think anyone understands how hard my heart hurts, not only now, but then as well. I will never get over this, I can never forgive myself for this. I just keep hoping I will wake up and this was all a Terrible dream (nightmare, actually). I will NEVER meet anyone like you, (not that I want to) I am so glad God sent you to me, and I did get to have an incredible cpl of years with you. I am so lucky for that. I just can't help to be sad becaue I know that its over. But I will see you again, soon. Keep everyone laughing up there. Help keep Grant, Sean, Carmella, Terese, your MOM, David, your sister Shannon and the girls, (all ur other friends & family) strong with the faith of knowing you are in a far better place now. I love you, and need you. You were always the one who was strong, who helped us through this sort of thing. Who would have ever thought we'd have to go through this without YOU. Even tho I don't understand it now, God has a plan. Somehow, someway, there is a reason for this. But we will never know until we meet him ourselves, and I am sure you will be right there, to hold our hands, and help explain everything. Until we meet again, Lovebug.

~Jessica. I love you TOO much

P.S. Thank you SO much for helping find the PERFECT car for me, it is has been so good to me, very reliable, and good on gas, everything you said it would be! :) Please let the random ppl I drive pass understand that I am talking to you, not myself, lol :) XoXo~ your babygirl always & forever

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